Thoughts on the postpartum body

left- 9 months pregnant, right- 5 months post-partum

My entire life I have been very active and into sports. I was a gymnast, I won a volleyball state championship in high school and continued to play for fun in college. Then I hit grad school and I didn't have time to exercise or go to the gym. I gained a little bit of weight and started to lack self-confidence. I am not the type that weighs myself daily, heck I don't even own a scale. I can just tell by looking in the mirror and the way my clothes fit.

Fast forward a few years to infertility and starting the IVF process. I was on tons of medications, both oral and injectable, for months. I was stressed so I was eating awful. This was the perfect storm for weight gain. I didn't put on a ton of weight but things were just different. I lost muscle, gained cellulite, and just didn't feel good in my own skin. Then I got pregnant and for those 9 months I fell in love with my body again.

I loved everything about pregnancy. The nausea, stretching skin, baby bump, shortness of breath, you name it. I had dreamed of being pregnant my entire life and I didn't want to take one day of my pregnancy for granted. I felt beautiful with my big belly and I was no longer worried about the way I looked in the mirror. I no longer felt the need to suck in my belly and I didn't cringe at the size of my legs. I was in love with this growing baby inside of me and how she was changing my physical appearance.

My total weight gain was around 32 pounds. After I gave birth most of the weight fell off pretty quickly. At my 2 week postpartum visit I was back to pre-pregnancy weight but things were not the same. My belly was loose and saggy, my stomach was numb with a huge scar from my C-section, and I felt so weak. I could hardly even sit up from a laying position due to my abdominal muscles being cut and split apart during surgery. And can we just talk about what happens to your boobs after you quit breastfeeding? Bless. I slowly started to dislike my body again.

Recently I've had a change in perspective. I have truly realized how amazing a woman's body is and the fact that we can grow a human being is freaking amazing. I have slowly started to get back into the gym, not for weight loss but for my mental health. I feel so much better after working out, both mentally and physically. I want to gain my strength back because strong is the new skinny! As women we are so hard on ourselves and I am constantly reminding myself that "comparison if the thief of joy".

I am listing the things that I would like to continue to work on and the things I am proud of myself for and I challenge you to do the same. Give yourself grace today and believe that whether you are a mommy or not, your body is beautiful!

Things I want to continue to work on:
-Continue to exercise at least 3x a week
-Eat more vegetables
-Drink more water
-Eat less chips (my weakness)
-Cut out negative self talk
-Believe someone when they give me a compliment

Reasons to be proud of myself:
-I grew and gave birth to a perfect baby girl
-I had a major surgery
-I am a good mom
-I do a good job of juggling work and home life
-I love my job and truly care about my patients
-I kicked infertility's butt

Moral of the story, I am still a work in progress. I will continue to struggle with being hard on myself but I am truly striving to give myself grace. My body has been through so much over the past 2 years and I am proud of how far I have come. I still have some belly hanging on and the cellulite loves me, but today I am choosing to embrace the postpartum body and be thankful for the blessing that made it this way!