Infertility rears it’s ugly head... again

Thursday, August 9, 2018

I’ve been so bad about blogging lately but we have had so much going on and I honestly have just been in a weird place for the past few weeks. It’s so hard to feel interested in the latest lipstick colors and the best Nordstrom sale deals when you’re in the depths of infertility. It just completely consumes you and your thoughts. We were so hoping to be sharing a pregnancy announcement in the next few weeks but instead we are mourning the loss of what would have been our second baby.

Sharing our journey has been both the hardest and most rewarding decision. I am an introverted, private person by nature but I prayed that our story would help at least one other couple and since sharing in spring of 2016, I have connected with hundreds of women going through the same thing. God is definitely using our story for good! And I would be doing a disservice to only share the highlights and successes of our infertility journey, because it doesn't always have a happy ending.

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We always knew we wanted our children to be close in age. We decided that 2 years apart would be ideal so back in March of 2018 we made the all too familiar 2 hour drive back to our RE’s office to come up with a game plan. We met with our doctor and set a July 2018 transfer date. In late May I went back to UNC for a saline ultrasound, mock embryo transfer and bloodwork. Everything looked great and we were ready to start meds!


I started taking birth control (seems so ironic right?) and then late June I had an ultrasound and bloodwork and started estrogen 3x a day. The goal of the estrogen is to make your endometrial lining nice and thick, a healthy “cushion” for baby to grow in. We went for weekly ultrasounds and bloodwork and everything progressed perfectly. Five days before our embryo transfer I started intramuscular progesterone injections in my butt nightly and let me tell y’all, those things hurt. They hurt much worse than I remember. We were all set for transfer!


The morning of transfer we woke up bright and early to make the drive and have a breakfast date before our appointment. I chugged lots of water (you need a full bladder for the procedure which is the most uncomfortable part) and we were ready to go. Everything went perfectly and we headed home and I relaxed on the couch the rest of the day. We were so excited and optimistic!


 They tell you not to POAS (pee on a stick) at home after an embryo transfer because it can be falsely negative. They like you to wait until 9 days after transfer for your blood test but I'm way too Type-A to wait that long. I POAS at 5 days post-transfer and it was a BFN (big fat negative). The worst feeling ever. I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. I knew 100% at that point that it had not worked. I had a positive at that point in time after our transfer with Vivi so I just knew. I had to wait 3 more excruciating days before my blood test when I already knew what the results were going to be. There is nothing worse than continuing to take meds and injections when you already know it didn't work.


We got the call from our doctor that our blood test was, in fact, negative and we officially had an unsuccessful transfer.  Having our sweet baby has definitely made this more bearable because I don't have the overwhelming thoughts of "will I ever be a mom?" However, infertility is awful and never gets easier and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The emotional and physical toll it has on your body is tremendous. Not to mention the financial aspect that is so unfair and stressful. We were and still are so sad but we are picking up the pieces and will try again!


If you have any questions about IVF or our infertility journey, don't hesitate to email me at davisduoblog@gmail.com. I'm happy to talk!

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20 comments :

  1. Thinking of you! You are so brave to share your story and no doubt, have helped many people.

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  2. Sending you so so so many hugs! If you try again, I'll be praying for a successful transfer. But if not, you can continue to be an amazing mommy to your gorgeous girl1

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  3. Thank you for sharing your journey! I’ve come to realize how much goes into the whole pregnancy process. I always thought it would be so easy. Life can be cruel, but knowing that I have a husband and son who love and support me helps, as does my faith. Reading your blog, I know you have the same with your husband and adorable girl!

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  4. Praying for you and your sweet family, Owen. Thank you for being open with your journey. I know that I will give hope and peace to someone else. You are so brave and a superhero to me!

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  5. friend...i know it has to be SO, SO hard to share your story of infertility. God does NOT waste anything...and your struggles and vulnerability in sharing them are absolutely a testament to your Faith and Hope in Him.

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  6. I am so so sorry. Just having experienced a miscarriage on the day you posted, I can totally relate to all the emotions you are experiencing. You and your faith are an inspiration to me. I will pray for you. Sending big hugs xx

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  7. I'm so sorry for your continued struggles but admire your resilience. Much love to you all.

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  8. Keeping you and your precious family in my prayers Owen! Thank you for always being so brave and sharing your journey.

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  9. I’ve been praying you for and thank you for sharing your story.

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  10. I've been praying for you! You are such a brave momma. The second time is even harder than the first since you know that you can get pregnant.

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  11. I'm so sorry Owen. I have written this before, but you sharing your infertility journey just as I was beginning mine meant everything to me - it made me so much less afraid. I have always been grateful to you and have loved watching your amazing little girl grow up, and have even read past posts to check out milestones for our own daughter that we were blessed with last year :) I have faith that things will work out, but I will pray for you and your family - it is one of the worst things I have ever gone through also!

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