Warning: this post contains raw emotions. Stop reading if you don't want to listen to me vent and have a mini pity party for myself.
As I sit here on a Saturday morning at 11:00, going on my 4th hour of studying already today, I feel annoyed and bitter. My whole family [including my husband] are at the beach enjoying the nice weather this weekend. I, however, am sitting at home alone studying since my professors decided to give us 7 exams next week. It never ends. I will study from 7am to 11pm today and tomorrow and that won't even cover a fraction of the amount of material I'm responsible for. We learn the same amount of material in 15 months that med students learn in 4 years.
I know this too shall pass, but aren't I supposed to be a carefree newlywed that cooks dinner, cleans, and pampers my new husband? That is quite far from what I do these days. My selfless, amazing husband cooks our dinners every night, packs my lunches, cleans, does laundry (and folds it), goes to the grocery store, you name it. I can't help but feel like I am missing out on one of the best phases of my life: the newlywed phase.
I am constantly apologizing to him for not being present enough. And he is constantly reminding me that this PA school journey is for both of us in the long run. He is seriously my biggest fan and encourager. I come home from an 8-5 day of straight lectures grumpy and stressed, and he puts up with me and pushes me on.
I know this is only for 20 more months, but giving up beach weekends, family time, outings with friends, and so much more is so frustrating. One of my PA school friends reminded me that, "Your identity is not in PA school... it is in Christ." What an amazing reminder. At the end of the day I try to remind myself that He equipped me with the ability and love of medicine and that I will glorify Him through my talents of treating sick people one day. So onward toward my goal I go... one
day minute at a time!
[Sorry for the venting session... this was not meant for sympathy, just for me to let out some feelings!]