What Not To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

Thursday, February 18, 2016

I'm sure you have all seen some variation of this post but since I'm in the thick of dealing with infertility, I just have to let you guys in on some of the ridiculous things that have been said to me lately. As humans we feel compelled to give advice when people are struggling, especially living in the South. And I know that people have good intentions when giving unsolicited advice, but most of the time I am left scratching my head and wondering where their common sense is. Moral of the story: think before you speak. Especially when giving advice if you haven't personally gone through it.


Without further ado: 10 Things NOT To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

1. "When you stop trying you will get pregnant"
Really? Thanks for the genius advice.

2. "You can have mine"
Just no. That does not make me feel better. Stop being ungrateful for your healthy, precious children. 

3. "Be thankful you get to sleep all night"
I would kill to be woken up every hour by a precious newborn baby.

4. "At least you didn't have a miscarriage"
Yes, I am thankful that I have not experienced that heartache and I pray to God that I never have to. With that being said, infertility and miscarriage are both incredibly heartbreaking journeys that are completely different and should never be compared. Infertility is mourning the loss of a baby you have never even had. Read this article... it says it all

5. "We dealt with infertility too... It took us 3 months to get pregnant"
Bless your heart.

6. "You are young, you still have plenty of time!"
So because I am "young" means that it isn't as hard as it would be if I were 5 years older? Yes I am thankful that we are tackling infertility while I am "young" but that doesn't fix the heartbreak.

7. "[insert really inappropriate advice on how to have sex here]"
Yep. I will let you imagine the advice we have been given. You just have to laugh at this point. Thank you, but I'm prettttty sure we know what we're doing.

8. "Just relax, go on a trip and it will happen!"
Just went to Antigua for a week, probably the most relaxing place I've ever been… still not preggo.

9. "I can't imagine dealing with infertility… I sneeze and get pregnant!"
You could have left out the second half of that comment. People seem to think that you will pity how easily they get pregnant #seriously #eyerollingemoji

10. "You can always adopt"
Yes I can, but I have dreamt of being pregnant since I was 5 years old. I want a child with my blue eyes and my husband's perfect nose. Maybe one day God will tell me to adopt, but that is not where our hearts are right now.

This post is not meant to point fingers. I am in a good place now so I can look back and chuckle at these things. Sometimes all you can do is laugh! TTC sisters, what am I leaving out?! Linking up with Jess and Annie


26 comments :

  1. I can't believe someone has said #7 to you, good gracious how crazy. To be honest, I've probably said one or two of these to friends in the past (right out of college), not knowing there was a struggle. Now that I know so many women dealing with infertility and TTC I just give them a hug and tell them I'll pray for them. Thanks for bringing awareness with humor. <3

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  2. Yes yes and YESSSSS sister! Oh man have I heard so many of these, and they stress me OUT! Along the lines of number 1, I've heard "you're stressing too much, if you stop stressing out, it will happen"...well, your comment right now did nothing to help me NOT stress. My doc said it best--"people tell you not to stress out but there's some innate stress that your body does because you're supposed to reproduce. So people telling you not to stress is just not going to happen". Amen.
    Thank you for this post! Continued prayers for you guys!

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  3. People kill me. Straight up kill me.

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  4. People are complete fools. I mean, REALLY?! Sometimes I wish we could just say aloud what we're thinking in our heads. ;)

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  5. I can't believe people actually go to the lengths to say some of these things, especially bragging about how easily they get pregnant! Some things are just better left unsaid!

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  6. People are just crazy! We're planning on starting to try sometime this year and have literally already made a deal to just not tell people even if we are to try to somewhat avoid being asked all the time even though it's inevitable. Still thinking of you guys!!

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  7. I am always amazed at the things people say. My sister has struggled with infertility for a long time and people can be so shitty(some without knowing, some knowing) How hard is it to show some empathy without trying to give advice?

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  8. Oh this hits so close to home for us. We would get a variation of those all the time. And the people who said they tried FOREVER and it was three months killed me. We tried. I charted, use ovulation sticks, checked mucus, etc and I worked so hard at it. We got tested, I tried supplements, clomid, etc and people didn't know the struggle. The comments people make are hurtful and they have no clue about it. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is tough. You should check out this blog (http://www.babyridleybump.blogspot.com/). Elena is very open about her infertility struggles and I love following along her journey. She talks about infertility and treatments in depth.

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  9. I am amazed at what people say these days! So sorry you guys are having to go through this.

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  10. It blows my mind that people even say these things - I am sorry you have to deal with ignorance!! Praying for yall!!

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  11. I cannot believe number 7 and 9!!! I would die with #7 and 9 is just plain rude! Praying for y'all!!

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  12. People literally just open their mouth and let whatever roll on out. The only thing someone should say to a person struggling with infertility is, "I'm praying/thinking about you." God has a plan for y'all and I'm praying for you!

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  13. People can just be so insensitive! Have to love the unsolicited "advice."

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  14. We are all just so ignorant and stupid sometimes!! Thanks for sharing. I am sure I have been guilty of some of these in my younger days.

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  15. You hit the nail on the head! I'm dealing with secondary infertility. Never in a million years did I think we'd be going through oral fertility drugs, HSG tests, surgery, IUIs and injectables. I'm not pregnant but extremely grateful for modern medicine. I'd be lying if I didn't say this was the hardest time of my life. People never say the right thing...the worst is "any luck?" (Oh yes, I forgot to tell you I'm 6 months pregnant!) your in my prayers - Maggie from WI

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  16. It really is amazing what people will come up with. I've had to get onto my husband before making comments because he can be totally clueless to these things sometimes and it kills me!

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  17. I can't believe some of the crazy things people come up with!! Praying for y'all!

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  18. I laughed at #4, in a morbid way. Dealing with multiple miscarriages, yesterday my DOCTOR told me "at least you can get pregnant to begin with!" Lucky me, going through 8 weeks of nausea with no baby to show for it. Infertility and miscarriage both flat out suck. They suck. Comparing them makes absolutely zero people feel better.

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  19. I had a miscarriage last May and we haven't been able to conceive again yet. Someone suggested I read a romance novel to help in the bedroom. Um, no dear the bedroom action is not the problem. Thanks but no thanks for the unsolicited advice.

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  20. Who would brag about being able to get pregnant so easily to somebody dealing with infertility? That's just wrong.

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  21. I honestly can't even... This stuff is absolutely shocking to me - seriously, people are straight up dumb!!! :-|

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  22. Hi! I just wrote a a post about my infertility journey if you would like to check it out. Www.growingupsimmonds.blogspot.com

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  23. Catching up on blogs and just had to come say I'm sending hugs and prayers! While I don't personally know what you're going through my SIL dealt with infertility for 4 years before having her first baby via IVF she she struggled with so many of these. The you're young you have time was so hard for her because she was 26 when she was diagnosed and the doctor told her she would have this now or if she was or 22 or 40, age had no factor in it. I love that you're being open and sharing your story, I think it's so important we bring more awareness to this subject.

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  24. Oh my gosh. No. Just no. I feel so sorry when I hear things like this. People really don't think before they speak. xo, Champagne&Suburbs

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  25. I was diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve and very bad prognosis of having a baby with my own eggs. I was even given the option to consider donor eggs. That was around july 2014. I was absolutely devastated with the news and I arranged an IVF for November 2014 and it failed also, given that I had nothing to lose, I contacted Dr.Agbazara i meet online and he send me his herbal product,. Believe it or not... I am already pregnant within few after his help. contact him today with any kind of problem and be happy like me on ( agbazara@gmail.com )

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  26. I was diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve and very bad prognosis of having a baby with my own eggs. I was even given the option to consider donor eggs. That was around july 2014. I was absolutely devastated with the news and I arranged an IVF for November 2014 and it failed also, given that I had nothing to lose, I contacted ( agbazara@gmail.com ) i meet online and he send me his herbal product,. Believe it or not... I am already pregnant within few after his help. contact him today with any kind of problem and be happy like me on:

    agbazara@gmail.com OR call +2348104102662

    ReplyDelete

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