I never intended for this blog to become an "infertility blog" and I hope that in a few months it no longer will be. However, I started blogging to document events going on in my life… my wedding, PA school, etc. and infertility is a big part of my life right now so not blogging about it would be ignoring a part of my life that consumes my mind 24/7. I guess it's the same as mommy bloggers blogging about their precious babes right? I hope to be that type of blogger one day but for now this is real life… not "social media picture perfect" life.
Today I'm talking about the "5 Stages of Dealing With Infertility" [in my opinion]. By no means will you find this published in any reproductive endocrinology book, but having trudged through the trenches of infertility lately, these are just my thoughts on all the different feelings us infertility warriors go through on a daily basis.
Stage 1: Excitement
This is obviously before you know you will be going through hell [aka infertility] in the near future. The thrill of starting a family, getting pregnant and becoming a mom. What could possibly be better?! Talking non-stop with your husband about the future with your little babe… what the nursery will look like, how you will announce the news to your families, what you will name him/her, etc.
Stage 2: Stress
After months of no success, seeing only 1 pink line, the stress sets in. What am I doing wrong? Why is it so easy for everyone else, what is wrong with us? When should we seek treatment and where should we go first?
Stage 3: Heartache
The diagnosis of infertility brings pure heartache and torture, the lowest of lows. It sent me into a dark place that only the Lord could have brought me out of. How many people are going to announce their pregnancies on Facebook today? That should be us. This is so unfair.
Stage 4: Anger
At the people complaining about being pregnant, how uncomfortable they are and how they would give anything for a margarita. Well I would give anything to NOT be able to drink a margarita for 9 months! Anger at the never-ending posts of "if only I had 2 minutes to myself without having to take care of my children", "counting down the minutes until my child goes to bed", "waking up at night to feed my newborn is hell". I try to remind myself that these women are not being malicious and in no way are they trying to hurt my feelings. Maybe only day I will be complaining about these mundane tasks too but today those words just put a dagger right into my heart.
Stage 5: Hopeful
After coming to terms with the situation, it's time to put my complete trust in the Lord. I am so hopeful for the future and I truly believe that He wouldn't have given me such a strong desire to be a mom if He didn't plan on blessing me with a child. No matter how long this road is, we will not stop walking!