I never intended for this blog to become an "infertility blog" and I hope that in a few months it no longer will be. However, I started blogging to document events going on in my life… my wedding, PA school, etc. and infertility is a big part of my life right now so not blogging about it would be ignoring a part of my life that consumes my mind 24/7. I guess it's the same as mommy bloggers blogging about their precious babes right? I hope to be that type of blogger one day but for now this is real life… not "social media picture perfect" life.
Today I'm talking about the "5 Stages of Dealing With Infertility" [in my opinion]. By no means will you find this published in any reproductive endocrinology book, but having trudged through the trenches of infertility lately, these are just my thoughts on all the different feelings us infertility warriors go through on a daily basis.
Stage 1: Excitement
This is obviously before you know you will be going through hell [aka infertility] in the near future. The thrill of starting a family, getting pregnant and becoming a mom. What could possibly be better?! Talking non-stop with your husband about the future with your little babe… what the nursery will look like, how you will announce the news to your families, what you will name him/her, etc.
Stage 2: Stress
After months of no success, seeing only 1 pink line, the stress sets in. What am I doing wrong? Why is it so easy for everyone else, what is wrong with us? When should we seek treatment and where should we go first?
Stage 3: Heartache
The diagnosis of infertility brings pure heartache and torture, the lowest of lows. It sent me into a dark place that only the Lord could have brought me out of. How many people are going to announce their pregnancies on Facebook today? That should be us. This is so unfair.
Stage 4: Anger
At the people complaining about being pregnant, how uncomfortable they are and how they would give anything for a margarita. Well I would give anything to NOT be able to drink a margarita for 9 months! Anger at the never-ending posts of "if only I had 2 minutes to myself without having to take care of my children", "counting down the minutes until my child goes to bed", "waking up at night to feed my newborn is hell". I try to remind myself that these women are not being malicious and in no way are they trying to hurt my feelings. Maybe only day I will be complaining about these mundane tasks too but today those words just put a dagger right into my heart.
Stage 5: Hopeful
After coming to terms with the situation, it's time to put my complete trust in the Lord. I am so hopeful for the future and I truly believe that He wouldn't have given me such a strong desire to be a mom if He didn't plan on blessing me with a child. No matter how long this road is, we will not stop walking!
It sucks for women with infertility to see the amount of people talking (or complaining) about their pregnancy not even realizing how much harder things could have been for them. I really hope in the near future we'll get to hear all about your pregnancy journey! But thank you for sharing the struggles along the way too, you are so brave! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for being so honest. I have a few friends who have dealt and are dealing with infertility and have listened while they have gone through what you mention. Lots of prayers and love during this HOPEFUL stage. <3
ReplyDeleteI agree with this--all of it. And I think sometimes the cycle repeats itself, depending on what happens in your infertility journey. Thank you for sharing, and putting it out there. I'm hopeful for both of us--sending you lots of love girl!
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to write about this time in your life. I know so many women can relate and find comfort knowing they are not the only ones going through the process. You are stronger than you know and you have lots of people praying for you!! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis was so hard to read - my so important! I know that so many women (and couples) will find comfort in your experiences! I am hopeful for you!
ReplyDeleteBe blessed
ReplyDeleteHugs. My friends actually had to get off facebook because it just became too much for them. I know you know this, but take care of you. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open about this!! I know you are helping lots of women/couples find hope in this hard stage in life. I am definitely learning a lot and trying to be sensitive to those around me who are in this stage of life. I know someone at work who is struggling with infertility with his wife and it's hard to see them go through this. Sending prayers!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with us...Sending you lots of love. You have so many people in your corner and praying for you. Adding one more person to that list!
ReplyDeleteyou're so brave girly! i think it's quite insane when people complain about all that when there are so many people that are fighting to be in their shoes. my best friend dealt with infertility for years and it was maddening. and heartbreaking. all the feelings. sending lots of love!
ReplyDeletexoxo cheshire kat
What a beautiful post - thanks for being vulnerable and honest about the hard things in life. I am praying for yall!!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see how God writes the rest of your story!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great to write about this and share with others as it seems many many people are going through this! You are so brave to put your feelings out there! Sending love, hugs, prayers and good thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI've had family members that went through these same things. Giving it all to God is the best thing to do. He knows how much you want to be a mom and He will get you there. Sending prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post and can really help those facing problems other than infertility. I deal with anxiety/depression and those stages are similar to what I went through. Getting to the final one makes you feel like a new person. I felt so much the better the day I gave it all to God because it was too much for me to carry on my own. I know God has great things in His plan for y'all!
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% with this. I went through these five stages. My fingers are crossed for you and your husband and prayers are sent your way.
ReplyDeleteHugs~ we are dealing with this as well and its rough! there is much self blame...our therapist said- please be kinder to yourself- so working on that!
ReplyDeleteSending a big hug and lots of prayers. I have had many friends take social media breaks during the tough times. I know the Lord's plan is perfect and I'm so glad that you have given him this struggle. Write away. I love genuine posts and it's true our blogs are creative outlets and share our stories. We have to share the real life, the pain, the laughter, the tears, and the love.Jess at Just Jess
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad to read about infertility. You are so strong! You will be a great mommy one day! Xo
ReplyDeleteHey there!! I found your blog a while
ReplyDeleteago I think through mutual friends and these posts really resonate with me. My husband I were married 4 years before we started ttc and after a miscarriage, diagnostic tests and many months of negative pregnancy tests we finally went to a RE in Charlotte. We went through a few more months getting to a diagnosis with the RE and right before our first round of IUI was slated to begin I got pregnant. While our infertility struggle might not seem like a super long period of time to some, it was full of some of the darkest days. Even after getting pregnant I have never felt sick stress/worry as I do now. I just want to post to encourage you to not give up hope, even on the days when it feels like you'll never have a babe in your arms. I have no doubt you will, it's just a matter of how (fertility treatment/adoption/etc) and when.
oh gosh, what a hard battle. but so great if you to share honestly! don't lose your hopefulness, you are strong and brave!!
ReplyDeleteI felt like I went through cycle each month of trying. With my first miscarriage, I had a friend due 2 weeks apart from me, and she complained nonstop about pregnancy. A week after my second miscarriage, she said in front of me, that her husband owes her so much wine after the baby is born...It can be so so isolating to have the people you used to turn to for support be unable to understand what you're going through, which is why it's good for you to share here!
ReplyDeleteModern medicine is awesome. I know more couples who struggled with infertility (myself included) than I do couples who got pregnant easily - but guess what? Every single couple I know who has wanted to become pregnant has had that wish fulfilled and brought a beautiful little bundle of joy to the world (some after 2+ rounds of IVF, and I know of at least 3 "free/bonus" babies conceived post-IVF baby!). Granted, my sample size is limited to people I know, but hopefully it gives you a bit of encouragement :)
ReplyDeleteI am so hopeful for you! Thank you so much for sharing your journey! xo, Champagne&Suburbs
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful that you are sharing this journey of yours. I have so much faith that 2 pink lines will be showing up for you soon, but in the event that my journey towards pregnancy has bumps in the road, I'm glad to know that there is someone who has gone through the same thing and writes about it so eloquently :)
ReplyDeleteYou are an incredible woman and your strength is admired by so many of us! I hope you never forget how many people you have cheering and praying for you! Xo, Stephanie
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