Happy Monday friends! I hope everyone had a great Easter!
Hubs and I started our weekend off with doctor's appointments Friday at our fertility clinic. We headed out of town early and got a yummy brunch before heading to the clinic. These were our last appointments before starting our IVF journey! We even had our "shot class" so hubs could learn how to properly draw up the medications and give me the shots every night. I went into these appointments with so much anticipation, knowing that it was the last step before we begin this journey. I was prepared with a long list of questions to ask our doctor. As always, we left feeling hopeful and thankful and prepared and made the 3 hour trek to the beach to meet my family for our annual Easter weekend tradition.
To be quite honest, the rest of the weekend I felt overwhelmed and stressed. A few hours after we left the doctor, I began feeling so anxious from all the information we had just gone over. I guess it just kind of sunk in that this is our reality and there's no turning back. I think up until this point there was always a tiny part of me that thought we wouldn't actually have to go through with IVF. That just maybe we would be surprised with two pink lines despite all the doctors opinions.
That's the thing about infertility… the grief strikes when you least expect it. I will go days and even weeks without feeling sad but then the sadness hits me like a ton of bricks and all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep it off. Despite being around my whole family and my precious niece and nephew, all I wanted was to be alone. Then my thoughts went to Jesus and how he felt on Good Friday, nailed to a cross for my sins. Beaten, betrayed, suffered to death so that I could live. And in three days He rose from the dead! If it weren't for Him and the hope He provides, I would be stuck in such a dark and lonely place. Easter weekend signifies a new beginning… Jesus is alive and because of His perfect love we can have hope and happiness and we are not chained to our circumstances.
Sorry to be a total debbie downer but I vowed to make this blog real life. This is what infertility looks like… a constant roller coaster. One day filled with such hope for the future and the next filled with sadness and loneliness. Through it all I am so thankful for my husband and how he is walking this road with me. He is my consent source of support when I feel incredibly lonely and it is making our marriage stronger than we ever imagined! Whatever the outcome at the end of all of this may be, I know that God is good 100% of the time. And for that I am thankful!
Sorry to be a total debbie downer but I vowed to make this blog real life. This is what infertility looks like… a constant roller coaster. One day filled with such hope for the future and the next filled with sadness and loneliness. Through it all I am so thankful for my husband and how he is walking this road with me. He is my consent source of support when I feel incredibly lonely and it is making our marriage stronger than we ever imagined! Whatever the outcome at the end of all of this may be, I know that God is good 100% of the time. And for that I am thankful!
I'm so sorry you were feeling so down this weekend...your outlook at the end of the post is what I imagine is getting you through some of those difficult moments! Sending you lots of prayers for the start of your IVF! xo, Biana
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you were surrounded by family this weekend, but also with Faith. I know how hard this journey is and can be....and I know the despair you talk about. But you're on this journey, and you're sharing it here with others so that there isn't the secrecy surrounding it, and the shame...and all of those other ugly monster emotions. I'm proud of you. It may not be easy, but this just shows how strong you are. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry the weekend was so full of hard emotions for you! I can't imagine how hard and stressful the process must be. Sending lots of prayers and well wishes as you begin your IVF process! ~Hannah www.HannahAtHomeBlog.com
ReplyDeletewhat a weekend sister! i bet it's a roller coaster - and one you just have to get on and ride through. good for you for sticking to all the realness girly. i saw your snaps and was thinking about you all weekend bc i was pretty sure i knew what you were tackling and am still sending all the good vibes your way. love!
ReplyDeletexoxo cheshire kat
Oh girl, I'm so sorry you were feeling so overwhelmed and stressed this weekend. You definitely have a lot on your plate right now so if you have a down weekend every now and then you shouldn't feel bad about it. It might not happen the way you planned but everything is going to work out for you! Glad you were able to spend the weekend with your family at the beach! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes
ReplyDeleteI hope IVF works for you!! Sending you lots of positive vibes as you start the process!
ReplyDeletewww.amemoryofus.com
The picture of them buried on the beach-priceless! Best of luck on this new journey, friend!
ReplyDeleteYou are not a Debbie downer.. You're right. This is your real life and your blog. We come bad read, support, comment because we all care I some way despite not fully knowing each other! What a great outlet to let you your troubles! Everything will be ok and one day you'll be writing about pregnancy! Xo
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you had a rough weekend-yet so excited and praying you guys find success once you start your IVF! You are strong and brave to share your story and what you are going through, and so many of us are rooting for you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for being so brave and sharing your infertility journey on here. I am sure your openness is providing comfort to others in a similar situation. I will be thinking of you in the coming weeks!
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave for sharing your story. I'm going through secondary infertility and can relate. Surgery, medication, shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork, etc. it’s physically and emotionally exhausting. I've got my good days and then some that are very dark/emotional/stressful. My Dr recently advised me "to focus on living my life" -- it's his job to worry about getting me pregnant. Easier said than done, right?? Try to find comfort in the fact you have a team of experts whose job it is to help you/your husband. Miracles happen every day.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine all of the feelings and highs and lows that come with infertility. I love that you keep your blog real, life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. As you said, God is good and He is watching over you in this season of life. I pray for y'all every night and I know so many others do too.
ReplyDeleteHang in there girlie, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know you guys will make amazing parents very very soon!!
ReplyDeletexo, Kristina
Medicine & Manicures
Thoughts and prayers for you both as you begin the IVF journey. Faith, family and friends will be there to see you through (and the rest of blog land!). xx
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're open to sharing so much of what you're going through - thinking of you guys as you continue on this journey!
ReplyDeletePrayers
ReplyDeletewww.rsrue.blogspot.com
Such a beautiful and raw post girl. You're right grief just strikes at anytime and the stages.....thinking that just maybe that won't be your path and you will be surprise with two pink lines. Praying for you and thinking about you. There is a plan and I'm so glad to hear it is strengthening your marriage along the way.
ReplyDeleteThat's so exciting you're about to start the official IVF journey! Sorry it all hit you during your beach weekend :/ I'll be praying for y'all!!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you were stressed this weekend but it is one step closer to holding a little baby. I couldn't be more excited for you to begin this journey. Praying and thinking of you often.
ReplyDeleteGrief is such a strange thing and you are right it can hit at the most random time. I'm glad that even though you wanted to be alone you had people you loved near. Sending you love and hope and a hug. Prayers too and a big well done for sharing something so personal.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that I will be having these same thoughts in a few short months. I appreciate you sharing your journey, hopefully both of our will have a lovely outcome!
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you for sharing your true feelings, boo. I am sending you positive vibes and love and prayers. I hope you do take time to sleep it off when you need it, though! Love you! xo, Champagne&Suburbs
ReplyDeleteYou are such an incredible and strong woman! I am confident that many blessings and prayers will be answered in the coming months! Sending hugs! Xo, Stephanie
ReplyDeleteyou have the best outlook and you are such a strong and brave lady! sending love!
ReplyDeleteDon’t think of anything else just contact priest eka and purchase some of his herbal medication and your depression will go away. This was my state of mind when my doctor told me that i will not be able to concieve due to the Fibroid that was rolling in my family life and when i decide to reach out to the priest, and the priest told me what to do in other to get the medication. Eventually I receive all the Herbal medications that cure my Fibroid and give me the chance to become a proud mother: Eka is a great spiritualist, He did it for me, you can contact Eka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com). If you are suffering from the following gynecology disease::
ReplyDelete1. Fibroid, Asthma, All STD, sinus infection, unexplain miscarriage
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7. Irregular menstruation
8. Weakness of the penis (not able to have sex with your partner or inability to satisfy your partner sexually)
9. Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.
10. Infertility for easy Conception.......
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ReplyDeleteI got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
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