Pregnancy after infertility

Thursday, October 27, 2016

I have sat down and stared at a blank screen for months trying to put this post into words. Bear with me, this is a jumble of thoughts and feelings on experiencing pregnancy after infertility.


When we were only dating we were faced with the harsh reality that we would likely have trouble conceiving. This lead to endless research, surgery, reaching out to others to had been through IVF, prayer, long discussions about our future, and never-ending anxiety about getting pregnant. Through our dating years, engagement, and newlywed stage one thing was for certain, whatever trials were in our future, we would face them together.

Fast forward to 2015 when we were officially "ready". It came as no surprise when we saw negative test after negative test, month after month. Though we were "prepared" for this, that didn't make it any easier. We knew time is of the essence and we didn't want to delay the inevitable. We found the perfect infertility clinic for us and were officially told what we had known for 6 years… IVF was our only option. Game on, let's do this! You guys have seen the journey unfold here, from making our journey public to my egg retrieval and embryo transfer and finally to our answered prayer. What I haven't touched on much is how hard it was after we got our BFP (big fat positive).

After we found out we were pregnant, instead of feeling elated that we had finally overcome infertility, all I could think about were the "what ifs". What if I have a miscarriage, what if this baby has health problems, what if… you name it. I was not prepared for these feelings, as I thought I would be carefree and on top of the world. To make matters worse, around week 7 I started bleeding and I was 100% positive I was miscarrying. I left work immediately went straight to my doctor who confirmed that baby's heart was beating away (praise God!) but that I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. I was put on modified bed rest and monitored weekly until my body reabsorbed it. This only made my anxiety worse, knowing that this hematoma put me at increased risk for miscarriage.

Even as we transitioned out of the first trimester, my hematoma resolved, and baby was doing perfectly, it wasn't until around week 15 or 16 that I really started to enjoy my pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, my love for that tiny baby was something fierce, but I didn't really like talking about my pregnancy with other people. I felt like I was going to "jinx" something if I talked about it. I didn't have the "run to the bathroom and pee on a stick and surprise husband with the news" experience that you see in the movies. Our road to get to this place was hard so unfortunately I was overly aware of all the bad things that could happen. I think this is pretty common after battling infertility. After going through IVF, you are far too used to hearing what went wrong, what your odds are, "I'm sorry", etc. You feel like one big science experiment.

So, I have put together a list of 3 things that all women should do in early pregnancy after beating infertility:

1. Give yourself grace. You've been through hell and back. It's not easy to flip a switch and go from worried and anxious to happy and carefree the second you see that BFP. Those negative feelings will fade with time as you start to realizing that your miracle baby isn't going anywhere! Trust that God brought you this far for a reason and that "He is knitting your baby together in your womb" (Psalm 139:13).

2. Have a support system. My husband and mom have been my absolute rocks through this entire process. I never went to a single doctor's appointment alone, and my clinic was 2 hours away. My husband knew when I was feeling sad and let me feel these things, then he was there to pick me up when I was ready. His tears of happiness at every ultrasound showed me that we were in this together. He would pray over our baby and constantly tried to reassure me that everything would be ok. It's impossible to go through this alone. Find your solid support system and don't be afraid to ask for help.

3. Celebrate the milestones. Celebrate your BFP, celebrate hearing the heartbeat for the first time, celebrate graduating from the first trimester. It's ok to let yourself be happy! You won't jinx it!

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If you made it to the end of this post, kudos to you! At 21 weeks now, I am incredibly thankful and happy for every single day with this baby. I absolutely love being pregnant and would do it all over again in a heartbeat for this baby. If you or someone you know has any questions about IVF or infertility, don't hesitate to email me at davisduoblog@gmail.com. At the end of the day, I am so very thankful for our journey and I am certain that our struggle made me 100x more thankful for every minute of this pregnancy!

18 comments :

  1. Barely made it through this post...hit every point I struggle with daily! Thank you for your reminders its ok to feel joy when all you tend to feel is worry! You are such an inspiration to me :) xoxo

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  2. I know all of these feelings all too well, especially the not wanting to say things and jinx it. I even thought about that yesterday (the day after we announced) and hoping that I didn't jinx it by finally sharing our news. We have made it through the same way--celebrating the milestones, because each one is a new one we haven't ever experienced before. And I'm trusting in God, and knowing that my dad is watching out for us eases my mind and my heart a little bit, too.

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  3. I love your 3 tips Owen. Thankful you have such a sweet and supportive husband and mom-- I know you wouldn't trade that kind of love for anything! Praying little baby Davis keeps growing strong and healthy!

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  4. WOW this post hit home for so many people struggling with infertility. So happy for you guys, what a long road you have had, but now the prize at the end is worth it all. God is good!

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  5. What a beautifully written/ vulnerable post - thank you so much for sharing, Owen!! I am continuing to pray for yall during the next few months!

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  6. Such a great post! I'm so glad y'all had the option of doing IVF and I'm so glad y'all are enjoying it now! Y'all are going to be the best parents!

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  7. So beautifully written! I remember the anxiousness of the first trimester - I felt like every time I went to the bathroom I was looking for blood/anything and I just couldn't relax about it. And I am sure that was just magnified x1000 for you after your struggles! I'm so glad you're in a better place now and are enjoying your pregnancy! It just gets better and better :)

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  8. I love this! Thank you for being so open and sharing :) We are still struggling with infertility. It's been over 2.5 years now and we are praying the next step works for us. Such a hard thing to go through but I know the Lord truly has a plan that is better than we can ever imagine.

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  9. Such a well written and perfect post! It's just what I needed to read :-) We've had 2 miscarriages and I was just telling my husband last night that I can't imagine being excited about our next BFP... all I'll be able to think about is what could go wrong, but this made me remember what could go right and how to handle all those scary feelings.. thank you for that!

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  10. This is a beautifully written post and I am so happy for you both!

    The Lovely Latte

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  11. Loved reading about your journey and so happy that everything worked out for you two. You're gonna make amazing parents and your little girl will be SO loved :)

    xo, Kristina
    www.medicineandmanicures.com

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  12. Thank you for sharing, this was such a great post. I have admired y'all's strength and faith through everything. IVF is such a blessing for so many couples, and I am so glad that was an option for y'all. We're still praying for y'all and all your doctors!! :)

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  13. i love how you have shared this whole journey!! i think you are so strong and i am so happy for you guys!! and gosh. i can't imagine... no matter how it all goes i think it's truly hard to enjoy your pregnancy until you at least get into second trimester. i worried even more for even longer with my 2nd pregnancy, somewhat because my first had gone so well, and i thought... what are the odds this one is going to be okay, too? well. it was. :) God is in control! i hope you enjoy the heck out of the rest of your pregnancy!!!

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  14. I can't even imagine the fear. I know that I'd be anxious like crazy and fearing all the what if's too. I am so happy for you and have been crossing my fingers for you!

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  15. I think your fears are totally rational and understandable... I'm so glad that you're making it through and that you have such a fantastic support system.

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  16. Don’t think of anything else just contact priest eka and purchase some of his herbal medication and your depression will go away. This was my state of mind when my doctor told me that i will not be able to concieve due to the Fibroid that was rolling in my family life and when i decide to reach out to the priest, and the priest told me what to do in other to get the medication. Eventually I receive all the Herbal medications that cure my Fibroid and give me the chance to become a proud mother: Eka is a great spiritualist, He did it for me, you can contact Eka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com). If you are suffering from the following gynecology disease::
    1. Fibroid, Asthma, All STD, sinus infection, unexplain miscarriage
    2.High Blood Pressure (herbs to reduce your BP within 7days)
    3. Infection, regular body pains (yeast infection),urine tract infection.
    4. Blockage from the fallopian Tube, Hepatitis
    5. Cyst from the ovaries, PCOS
    6. Unpleasant smell from the virginal, virginal itching
    7. Irregular menstruation
    8. Weakness of the penis (not able to have sex with your partner or inability to satisfy your partner sexually)
    9. Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.
    10. Infertility for easy Conception.......
    11. Skin diseases, Toilet infection and bad body odor…….Etc..
    Simply contact the spiritualist DrEka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com) to get his Herbal Medication to cure your disease and put yourself on a motherhood side of life..

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  17. I recently found your blog and this post really speaks to me. Although I haven't struggled with infertility, I am 14 weeks along after a miscarriage and just can't stop worrying. I am hoping that I will feel better after our next appointment. I'm going to look back at this post when I'm feeling anxious but it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way <3

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