Dealing With Infertility

I never intended for this blog to become an "infertility blog" and I hope that in a few months it no longer will be. However, I started blogging to document events going on in my life… my wedding, PA school, etc. and infertility is a big part of my life right now so not blogging about it would be ignoring a part of my life that consumes my mind 24/7. I guess it's the same as mommy bloggers blogging about their precious babes right? I hope to be that type of blogger one day but for now this is real life… not "social media picture perfect" life.

Today I'm talking about the "5 Stages of Dealing With Infertility" [in my opinion]. By no means will you find this published in any reproductive endocrinology book, but having trudged through the trenches of infertility lately, these are just my thoughts on all the different feelings us infertility warriors go through on a daily basis.

Stage 1: Excitement

This is obviously before you know you will be going through hell [aka infertility] in the near future. The thrill of starting a family, getting pregnant and becoming a mom. What could possibly be better?! Talking non-stop with your husband about the future with your little babe… what the nursery will look like, how you will announce the news to your families, what you will name him/her, etc.

Stage 2: Stress

After months of no success, seeing only 1 pink line, the stress sets in. What am I doing wrong? Why is it so easy for everyone else, what is wrong with us? When should we seek treatment and where should we go first?

Stage 3: Heartache

The diagnosis of infertility brings pure heartache and torture, the lowest of lows. It sent me into a dark place that only the Lord could have brought me out of. How many people are going to announce their pregnancies on Facebook today? That should be us. This is so unfair.

Stage 4: Anger

At the people complaining about being pregnant, how uncomfortable they are and how they would give anything for a margarita. Well I would give anything to NOT be able to drink a margarita for 9 months! Anger at the never-ending posts of "if only I had 2 minutes to myself without having to take care of my children", "counting down the minutes until my child goes to bed", "waking up at night to feed my newborn is hell". I try to remind myself that these women are not being malicious and in no way are they trying to hurt my feelings. Maybe only day I will be complaining about these mundane tasks too but today those words just put a dagger right into my heart.

Stage 5: Hopeful

After coming to terms with the situation, it's time to put my complete trust in the Lord. I am so hopeful for the future and I truly believe that He wouldn't have given me such a strong desire to be a mom if He didn't plan on blessing me with a child. No matter how long this road is, we will not stop walking!

"If God is doing this to me, it must be the best thing for me." -George Muller

Linking up with Jess and Annie!

Baked Spaghetti

Today I'm sharing one of my very favorite meals… baked spaghetti. If my husband weren't such a health nut this recipe would be on repeat in our house. It definitely isn't the healthiest dinner in the world but it is SO yummy and perfect for having guests over or just a hearty, delicious dinner paired with a salad.

What you need:

-8 oz uncooked spaghetti

-1 tbsp olive oil

-1 lb ground beef

-1/3 cup chopped onion

-2 cloves minced garlic

-1 tsp dried basil

-1 tsp dried oregano

-8 oz cream cheese, softened

-1/3 cup water

-24 oz jar spaghetti sauce

-salt and pepper

-1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

-1/2 cup parmesan cheese

-French's fried onions, small can

1. Cook spaghetti, drain and set aside

2. Heat olive oil on stove; add ground beef, onions, and garlic and cook until beef done

3. Stir in basil and oregano

4. Add cream cheese and water and cook until cream cheese melted

5. Stir in spaghetti sauce and heat through

6. Season with salt and pepper

7. Mix noodles with sauce mixture and pour into 9x13 dish

8. Top with mozzarella and parmesan cheese

9. Bake @ 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes then add fried onions to top and bake another 5 minutes

I didn't get a picture of the finished product because we were too hungry to wait! I promise you won't be disappointed! Enjoy!

FoF: officially a grown up

[O N E]

Y'all, I seriously giggle every time I walk by a mirror and see myself in a long white coat. Don't get me wrong, I worked my ass off for that coat but I do not feel important/smart/old enough to be wearing it. #grownuplife

[T W O]

Speaking of grown up life, I finally got my diploma and medical license in the mail! I guess that means it's officially real?! Going to get these bad boys framed this weekend so I can hang them in my brand new office at work!

[T H R E E]

The Bachelor is totally my guilty pleasure. It's sad how much I look forward to it while at work every Monday. In my opinion this season has been one of the best in a whiiiile. Ben seems like a genuinely good guy with morals and the remaining girls are all great. The very first episode I became team Lauren B and she is one of the last 3 left. I really think she is going to one! How gorgeous is she?! I'm obsessed with them as a couple!

[F O U R]

We got a new Keurig last week so that I could take our old one to work to have in my office. We got the new 2.0 Keurig and I like it a lot! I really want a super nice expresso maker but right now it just isn't practical for us. It looks sleek and comes with a coffee pot so that you can brew an entire pot versus just a cup if you want!

[F I V E]

My in-laws gave us a gift card to our favorite sushi restaurant for Valentine's Day so we had a mid-week date this week! This was a treat because we never go out to eat during the week. Yummy!

Linking up with Amanda, April, and Karli!

Confessions

Today I'm linking up with my girls Jess @ The Newly, Joey @ Hodges Podges and Annie @ Home of Malones to "air my dirty laundry" and 'fess up to some of my less than glamorous moments lately…

I confess…

|| I wear my hair in a sock bun when it's dirty and I'm too lazy to wash it

|| My husband does said sock bun every time I wear one… yep

|| I can count on 2 hands the number of dinners I have cooked in our 2 years of marriage. My husband cooks every.single.night. and I'm not complaining

|| My biggest fear about having a baby… not getting 9 hours of sleep every night. I'm terrified of that. I think about it almost every day.

|| At least once a week I forget to switch the wet laundry over to the dryer. It ends up smelling sour and nasty and I have to run the washing machine again. The worst!

|| Sometimes I skip out on going to the gym because I don't feel like having to wash, dry, straighten my hair after

|| One of my Facebook friends posted a minute long video of her newborn baby crying with the caption: "I'm not posting this for advice, I just want everyone to see what my life is like these days". Hold on while I resist the urge to punch you through my computer screen. I'd kill to have a crying newborn baby in my home.

So, that is my life in a nutshell these days. What are you confessing to this week?!

Five things

This weekend was filled with 2 date nights (!!!), 3 trips to the gym, 2 long walks in the beautiful 65 degree weather, and lots of errands and small projects around the house. Instead of boring you with every tiny detail of our semi-boring weekend, I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon with this "5 Things" survey going around! 

+++

Five foods I eat every day…
1// Eggs, usually scrambled egg whites to be exact
2// Yogurt, usually with granola
3// Chicken, because my husband is a health freak [I could 100% live without chicken]
4// Coffee [not exactly a food but it is essential to life]
5// Protein bars

Five places I'm dying to visit…

1// Greece
2// Paris
3// Bora Bora
4// Jackson Hole
5// Alaska

Five talents I wish I had… 
1// Photography
2// Singing
3// Spanish [is that a talent?]
4// Long distance running
5// Cooking

Five celebrities I want to be friends with… 
1// Taylor Swift
2// Adele
3// Joanna Gaines from Fixer Upper
4// Carrie Underwood
5// Ellen DeGeneres

Five Six Instagram accounts I love… 

1// @littlemissfearlessblog
2// @oliveandtate_
3// @atgreenwell
4// @alizadventures
5// @lisampray
6// @carolina_charm

Five songs I could listen to on repeat… 
1// "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele
2// "Carolina" by Eric Church
3// "You Are The Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne
4// "Oceans" by Hillsong United
5// "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran

Five beauty products I use every day… 
1// Oil of Olay face lotion, after washing my face in the morning and before bed
2// Bobbi Brown face powder
3// Aquaphor on my lips multiple times a day. My dermatologist said it's the best for keeping lips hydrated, moist, and chapped-free
4// Maybelline mascara, the best mascara I've found. Much better than all the high-end expensive ones!
5// Under eye concealer for those awful dark bags

Five TV shows I'm emotionally invested in… 

1// The Bachelor
2// Grey's Anatomy
3// Making a Murderer
4// Dateline [I get emotionally invested in every single one… sad but true]
4// Can't think of any more because I really don't watch much tv

Five on Friday: random things!

[O N E]

I have officially been working for 3 weeks now! People warned me about entering the "real world" but if you ask me, getting paid AND not having to study 24/7 makes work pretty darn awesome. Compared to hell PA school, work is like a vacation... with a pretty nice paycheck! My co-workers are all amazing and have welcomed me with open arms. We've seen so many crazy fractures… arms, hips, feet, hands, you name it!

[T W O]

Do you guys remember my post about my precious neighbor who was battling leukemia? Well she entered the gates of Heaven in December and is now eternally healed. Her mom just recently started an online business called Anchor Beads selling beautiful necklaces and is donating a portion of the profits to childhood cancer research. Head over to her website to read her story and check out her gorgeous beads! P.s. they look like Twine & Twig but WAY more affordable AND you are helping beat childhood cancer, double win! She is struggling to keep up with the demand because they have been so popular but she is adding new necklaces daily so keep checking back!

[T H R E E]

I was watching the news last night and they had a segment on Chrissy Teigen and John Legend announcing that they did IVF to get pregnant. I teared up (of course) because it really makes me so happy when women open up about this issue, especially women that are in the spotlight. It brings much needed awareness to this topic and it gives me so much HOPE and encouragement!

[F O U R]

I don't post about make-up products often because to be honest, I'm not really into make-up. I'm a tried and true Bobbi Brown fan and I stick to the basics. However, I found the.absolute.best. under eye concealer and I had to share! I NEVER used to have dark circles under my eyes but the past few months I've been looking like a zombie when I wake up. I went to Ulta and everyone there recommended this and I have been so happy with it. Pretty pricey at $24 a tube but you only use a tiny bit every morning so it will last for a while.

[F I V E]

Did you guys see what doggy won the Westminster show this week?! A German-shorthaired pointed! Husband and I squealed with pride when we saw that. The only competition our GSP will be winning anytime soon is for biggest DIVA but we feel like winners nonetheless!

 Linking up with Amanda, Karli, and April

What Not To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

I'm sure you have all seen some variation of this post but since I'm in the thick of dealing with infertility, I just have to let you guys in on some of the ridiculous things that have been said to me lately. As humans we feel compelled to give advice when people are struggling, especially living in the South. And I know that people have good intentions when giving unsolicited advice, but most of the time I am left scratching my head and wondering where their common sense is. Moral of the story: think before you speak. Especially when giving advice if you haven't personally gone through it.

Without further ado: 10 Things NOT To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

1. "When you stop trying you will get pregnant"

Really? Thanks for the genius advice.

2. "You can have mine"

Just no. That does not make me feel better. Stop being ungrateful for your healthy, precious children. 

3. "Be thankful you get to sleep all night"

I would kill to be woken up every hour by a precious newborn baby.

4. "At least you didn't have a miscarriage"

Yes, I am thankful that I have not experienced that heartache and I pray to God that I never have to. With that being said, infertility and miscarriage are both incredibly heartbreaking journeys that are completely different and should never be compared. Infertility is mourning the loss of a baby you have never even had. Read this article... it says it all

5. "We dealt with infertility too... It took us 3 months to get pregnant"

Bless your heart.

6. "You are young, you still have plenty of time!"

So because I am "young" means that it isn't as hard as it would be if I were 5 years older? Yes I am thankful that we are tackling infertility while I am "young" but that doesn't fix the heartbreak.

7. "[insert really inappropriate advice on how to have sex here]"

Yep. I will let you imagine the advice we have been given. You just have to laugh at this point. Thank you, but I'm prettttty sure we know what we're doing.

8. "Just relax, go on a trip and it will happen!"

Just went to Antigua for a week, probably the most relaxing place I've ever been… still not preggo.

9. "I can't imagine dealing with infertility… I sneeze and get pregnant!"

You could have left out the second half of that comment. People seem to think that you will pity how easily they get pregnant #seriously #eyerollingemoji

10. "You can always adopt"

Yes I can, but I have dreamt of being pregnant since I was 5 years old. I want a child with my blue eyes and my husband's perfect nose. Maybe one day God will tell me to adopt, but that is not where our hearts are right now.

This post is not meant to point fingers. I am in a good place now so I can look back and chuckle at these things. Sometimes all you can do is laugh! TTC sisters, what am I leaving out?! Linking up with Jess and Annie